whinning to 19

Until I am offcially 19. I will whine to 19. Then when I am 19 I will whine to 20. Ah, no life..

I’ve moved (: 

You’ll find me nowhere now. I’ll miss you aworldofpaperdolls. 

New life awaits! (:

Dangdut ehh…

Hooh Hooh Hooh. One more day! To official end of Coke Zero! Urgh, felt so bad cos I said the wrong things to Tina. Nvm I’ll pass.. Won’t think about it!

Now, the drums, the drums & the drums! Hoh! The Great DJ is my song of the week! (: & malay song is, Kasihnya Laila(: Let my horrible voice haunt you my loved grp mates. So tiring that I’m going back to school to overnight, again.. Bukan takde kerja lah eh. But really. I am hard working. Haha. (Don’t lie to yourself, Agnotti) I have decided, I can do visual effects. I got A for the module lor! Just that Agnotti is lazy. Sheesh, pemalas. Memang pemalas sangat sangat.

I am quite happy with myself cos I’ve gotten back the kemelayuan in me Result from too much karaoke over the weekends! Haha. (dah demam demam pun sempat dengar lagu karaoke tau! )Too bad ah.. Dah memang melayu tetap melayu juga. Kemana tumpahnya kuah jika bukan di nasi Yes I have realised that. Bangga jadi anak Melayu tau! Hidup melayu! hooh! Dah start dah lagu lagu dikir barat & dangdut & indon semua keluar. Esp dangdut. My sister is madly in love in singing dangdut now. Tapi best Am starting to do some writings in Malay also (: Melayu dah agak karat tapi masih boleh mencuba. I am not going to let my Higher Malay get wasted. I am not going to let my cikgu down yeh.. An interesting conversation with my sister today

Kakak: Eh, tadi kak nampak Abg Is

Me: Siapa Abg Is. Is mane eh?

Kakak: Alaa.. Abg Is tu..

Me: Ye lah. Abg Is tu. Abg Is tu. Is, Is.. mane ni?

Kakak: Alaa.. Abg Is yang adik beli kasut kat kedai tu..

Me: Kasut? Memang lah beli kat kedai. Abg Is mane ni?

Kakak: Tempat yang adik beli kasut lah

Me: OHH! Abg Is yang kat kedai tu! Cakaplah kat Larkin. ABG IS KAT KEDAI LARKIN TUUU! ABG IS, ABG IS. ishh….

Stupid conversations I have with my sister. Like alot. There’s another! We’re having dinner at northpoint..

Kakak: Eh, tengok org belakang tu. Pakai baju Swensens. Kerje Swensens. Tapi datang NP foodcourt beli Fish & Chips. Kelakar ke pe..

Me: (LOOL-ing) Swensens dah tak jual Fish & Chips lah.

Kakak: Ye la tu.. Padahal ade employee’s meal seh..

Me: Ah, tak nak employee’s meal, bagi kiter lah eh….

Haha. I love my sister. To you it may seem usual. But these talks are special. Not every day I talk to her you know My irritating sister who just bought me a new crumpler bag from UK! Hooh. yay!!! beg baru! She may be going a tough time now. But pain is temporary after all. She’s gna be fine Soon.. Hmm I’ll miss her a lot if she’s relly going away for further studies Anyhow, we’re planning a trip to KL/Tioman soon! Us, cousins cousins + our bestfriends only! (: ( Im really happy we’re close Like all of the cousins know each other’s bestfriends. I think it’s cool, Lol) Semua yg dah cukup umur bleh join. Haha.. Zaki going too! heee (:

Kak, say hi (:

It’s okay that he left you. (memang semua lelaki tak guna! heh! LOL) I will be here to put that smile back on you! hooo

I know despite the positivity that I have something’s not right somewhere. I feel it. Not sure to who or what it is. Even if this instinct is true.. It’s either something REALLY bad is going to happen or someone I feel for is so not okay.. I just hope things will be fine, inshaAllah (:

One thing I’ve learnt in life;

Kalau buat kerja biarlah ikhlas. InshaAllah, He will help you throughout. Tapi kalau gagal anggaplah ia sebagai ujian dariNya. Sebagai hamba Allah yang hina ni we must redha & tetap bekerja keras. Don’t give up. He will help you if you help yourself first. For only He who knows what’s best for you & if He decides that it’s not the best for you He will not give it to you. Niat di hati must be ikhlas. Niat harus betul/baik. Buat sesuatu kerana cinta pada Allah. InsyaAllah the boat ride will be smooth (:

Cintalah pada Allah (:

Faith

I found this on royaleratuwhiterose7.blogspot. I think it’s a gentle reminder for me to keep my faith. To hold strong & not fall apart

How Islam Wants A Woman To Be?

1) That she should be strong in her religion, and not swayed by deceptive appearances, appearances that cause weaker souls to stray, because she knows that this world is made up of short-lived pleasures.

2) That she be patient, pleased with Allah’s Decrees for her, always invoking Allah Almighty for well-being and forgiveness.

3) That she frequently and consistently remember Allah, obeying Him, reciting His Book(the noble Al Quran), and applying its percepts.

4) That she, along with her husband, raises and trains her children; that she becomes a comfort for her husband, and that she avoids falling into that which Allah has forbidden.

5) That she be her husband’s ally, helping him and encouraging him in his work.

6) That she remains honorable and virtuous, looking only at her husband.(*ahem)

7) That she be educated and cultured; that she gains beneficial knowledge, which she applies and then spreads to her friends.

8 ) That she be truthful in her life: to her husband, to her self, and to her children.

9) That she be a sincere and true friend to others, cooperating with them in the promotion of truth and good.

(taken from Al-Mar’atul-Muslimah, Wahbi Sulaiman Ghawji, with minor editing from the writers of What Must Be Known About Islam.)

Yes, Allah knows best. I know things hasn’t exactly turn out good. Be patient Agnotti. Be really really really patient.. Gambatte Agnotti. Be patient. He’s there for me, all the time. What am I talking when I say I have no one. Only He knows what’s best. Cos for whatever that’s happening to me now only He knows why it’s the best for me. (: Thank you Firdaus & Feeza. Through my thick and thin. You guys are always there to make me smile.

Like the extract below..oh, it began with I told him I need to say smth demoralizing to him. Maybe dirty/funny jokes BUT with no hard feelings for sure (: Firdaus! Get well soon tau! (: I’ll pray for you just like you did for me when I had tonsils, during solat Jumaat. Sebab tu Agnotti cepat baik ni (: Jahat-jahat firdaus tapi sayang juga kawan-kawan padanya. Hahaha

Haha. I am not judging lah. All my friends are beautiful people (: One is beautiful not because of what the naked eye can see. But one is beautiful because of what the naked eye can’t see. The insights of the heart & the mind that is filled with sincerity and love that you can feel & what your heart can also see – My definition of beautiful(:

Funeeh

HAHA

VOLAREE!!!! laugh some more lah. (:  very funneh. I want to do my ow version of funneh video too! With the mg people(:

I still wonder… I wonder & everyday I wonder. I ask. I wonder. I still don’t get my answers. Right now I have the feeling she’s gonna get breast cancer again. I don’t think chemo and whatevr whatevr helps anymore. She’s been in and out of KKH Breast Centre like a thousand times already. I’m not sure if this is hereditary in the family but I think so. One side is already waiting on her death bed. I mean like of course we all are in a way waiting for death. But this is a slightly different case. I know I would die of the same cause one day too. Just waiting helplessly for the test results now. Then again I should not think too much, just for now.

I keep questioning. Are there really a lot of feelings that I’ve hurt SO MUCH before that I deserve this? Have I not been treating my loved ones good enough that I deserve this. All I want is the happiness of my loved ones. Is that even so hard? How can I be at rest when I see them suffer?

oh, to mirza, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! I forgot how old is he. I’ll just put as 21. (so he can watch R21 tmr. LOL) HAPPY BIRTHDAY COMRADE (: have fun at Tekong. see you this weekend!

Seharuman bunga camelia

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Nothing, Nowhere

Nothing, Nowhere, Clare & The Reasons

Here I am
It is I
Here I stand
Nothing, nothing
Out of nowhere

Here I am
Nothing, nothing
Out of nowhere

Nowhere
I present to you
Nowhere
Nobody’s new who’s who
Nowhere
kick the same old can
Nowhere
Nobody gives a damn
If you’re free then come with me to

Nowhere, that’s where
Nowhere, that’s where, you’ll find me

Nowhere
Just bring your comb and shoes
Nowhere
That’s all you’ll ever use
Nowhere
You know I’m leaving soon
Nowhere
Just let me know by noon
If you’re free then come with me to

Nowhere, that’s where
Nowhere, that’s where, you’ll find me

Awesome song (: I like. This kind of music. Alot. Like a lot. The more alternative the betterrrr (: Some of their songs are with stupid lyrics but who cares. Lyrics are just plain words (:  Some maybe a bit for a lullaby but it certainly soothes the ear (: Like a lot. This song makes me feel like I’m elevating to the moon. And to say BYE BYE EARTH. ohoo, bye bye earth! Wooooh..I feel quite healthy today. Healthy like cow. I know I’ll be having A TUB OF PADDLE POP in no time (: Gym on wednesday & friday. Yeahh.. Tennis on Wednesday too. hoohoohoo!

Oh so happy to see friends back on the first day of their school (Not mine cos I’ve had school since forever-erer.. ) I am talking to Rezal again. After so long. Haiz.. Domestic issues Too domestic infact. I just wish things would turn out better.. I hope Bruno is having a safe trip back to Paris now. I bet he’s like snoring away in the GTV (France bullet train)

Oh I saw ALOT of stars otw home(: like ALOT. & yes I saw orion’s belt (: hooh, amazingly wonderful. I like stars. Stars, stars makes me go blind. Erm irritably irritated by Jed’s pushing me.. Sometimes it’s quite irritating esp when he’ll grab & tickle me till i roll down the chair and the floor with tears.. Thanks ah. JED I SWEAR I WILL PINCH YOUR NIPPLES SO HARD BEFORE GRADUATION THAT YOU’LL REMEMBER ME FOR LIFE!

Why is it I don’t feel life when I am living?

For you, beautifully imperfect people (:

When I am bored… Tapi lupa nak draw Ernie. Alamak sorry =\

My Beautifully Imperfect People.

To you who’s been through with me in my joy and my pain. Life could not have been better without you. Just want you to know you mean a lot to me.

Even if we don’t talk or see each other everyday, I cherish you and I want you to know I love you a lot (:

Thank you for everything…

I was thinking, is it necessary for one to always look at whether a person is hot or pretty when those terms are already determined by the society? When physical features are only temporal while those unseen qualities of the naked eyes are everlasting? Most can see all they want. But little can see with their sights. People see but not with sight. You want to be seeing with sight or just seeing? Have your own defination for what is real beauty(:

The world is spinning too

Hooh, my head hurts alot. But I still need to get up to do coke zero haiz.

Whenever the body is at pain, the head is at pain, the mind is at pain, I will reminiscence Darren. Eeh. I think IT IS the unbearable pain of my mind, my body and my heart that is almost similar during the separation. No pain could be similar to that pain I went through 2 years ago. Stinging, aching. Horribly ripping me apart.

I want to get better.. I want to sleep forever and find those SuperTrouper beams(:

I cannot stop thinking about how sweet death can be now. Really. Haha I don’t think I am crazy but I am excited about death. It’s like dying is when one goes back to Allah. That is what I want to do. Tapi rasanya belum taubat habis. Tak sanggup pula nak mengakhiri di neraka. Hmm.. Dying and death is a new beginning (:

Dah sakitsakit ni best jugak(: Could feel my change. Which is a good thing. And yes talking to Firdaus helps a lot. Best dapat kawan soleh macam Firdaus.. Alhamdulilah (: talking to Bruno when demam demam ni is very soothing to the heart & mind also. We’re discussing ooonnnnnn….

FRENCH BLUE CHEESE VS DURIAN!!!

eh results turn out to be 1-1 (: Fair enough. He hates durians. I hate blue cheese. We’re fair(:

My new life motto: To mind my words, mind my sight, mind my hearing, mind my heart. Determination to accomplish everything I have set on with diligence & perseverance. To give smiles to those who has nothing to laugh about  (:

I sat down to write a bucket list. Then I realised I wanted nothing in this world Accept happiness for everyone. I don’t know if it is a good thing. I mean like of course there is something I’d like to do/have. Like going for bungeeee jump. Doing crazy things and just go bonkers. Then of course othr more domestic stuff like getting married to a good man and having 7 children. (like Father Abraham. LOL?) Getting Phd. All these are more of my-wish-list rather than my bucket list. But I don’t exactly have something I want which could be considered meaningful other than for the happiness of the people I love, my family & friends. I just think happiness is too little nowadays. It wasn’t as generous as before

Alamak, rindu Zaki lah seh Been really long

Tired

I think I am just aging. Despite having a lot of rest I think no words can describe the tiredness I feel now. Wooh. I want to take sleeping pills after Coke Zero proj. Like A lot of sleeping pills for me to sleep through 48 hours or something. I need to sleep. I’m all so tired. Pain like pig. Tired like pig. Ouch Ouch body hurts, throat hurts. Sheesh everywhere also pain pain.

While I am here whinning about my pain and projects to rush, BRUNO IS AT A NICE BEACH IN SOUTH OF FRANCE! WTH. Life is so unfair. Come on Bruno, let’s just change life for this week. I want your 5 days trip to South of France.

I suddenly miss going out with friends. I think it’s a sign I’m dying (HAHA, NOT) I miss Hafiza and Hon ding so badly I see Hafiza sometimes when she comes to school but rarely do I get to spend time with her & hon ding, the so much loved bestfriend is always busy with school and A levels (shit A levels), pretty much like I am with school. So yes I don’t exactly got time to go out with friends anymore My so pathetic life. That I am maybe half proud of.

I was just thinking about the possibilities that can happen between us & the people we love. What if we keep thinking, “There’s always tomorrow or some other time to go out with my friends” and then one day your friend just die, for whatever reasons it could be. Would one regret deeply or just be thinking, “I still have other friends”. Hmm, I think for me, I’d be regretting my decision for not going out with the friend to spend time with him/her & keep thinking I am obliged to put my school work first. I don’t care what your other priorities are but now I’ve decided, Loved ones first (:

I think I should continue to express love I have for people I love (:

Challenge

Sesungguhnya antara sebab mengapa kesihatan ditarik balik olehNya ialah kerana dosa-dosa yang terlalu banyak bertimbun. Yes, it is a reminder for me. I’ll get better soon. Hopefully…

“Didiklah wanita dengan keimanan,
Bukannya harta dan kepujian”

Fear

Many a times I feel different about myself. Questioning my existence. Questioning the word existence itself. A lot been going through my train of thoughts despite not actually having time to think about other things. So I think the problem with me now is I’ve got no problem. That’s why I feel so empty. So nothing. Feels so easy to live. Really easy. Well one reason of course cos I don’t have to work so hard to find money for my family yet. I think now is just the time for me to sit down, write my bucket list and to sort things out for what and where I want to do in the years to come. At least for the coming year, after school.

I realised I’m so temporary. What I am changes ALL THE TIME. Such irony when I say I don’t want things to change but the fact is that things always change. Once friends may not be friends in time to come. What’s living may just die in time to come too. Urgh now I feel everything’s so still.

Something’s not right somewhere. Just somewhere.